The last and Final

  1. I am a princess and all I need is a tiara

Although I have a good laugh at my girls’ expense most days they are the love of my life and they are the reason that I am alive.  Many days in the past I would have given up if it was not for both of my girls.  They give me a reason too get out of bed everyday.  I have to wake up when someone is holding open your eyelid asking  if  “you awake”.  Nope just laying here completely awake waiting for you to come and pry my eye open.  Here’s your sign.

Some days when you are in a perfect slumber and something comes at touches you  in the middle of the night to inform you that they just peed the bed and they want to come and sleep with you.  Okay that’s fine, you bring your urine soaked body and come and rub it all over me because I could not sleep with out that extra smell of urine.  Thank you for making things better tonight.

another fun time with my girls is when they want to get your attention.  Skye has the new habit that she yells, PSSSS.  I have taken to looking toward her and asking if she has……. spring a leak?

Did that really come out of her mouth, yes it has, with my girls anything is totally possible.  Now with children anything is possible to say in response to them.  When they were babies I had a bouncer to put them in to help put them to sleep.  On this bouncer there was music and a vibrator.  Well, the batteries ran out.  I am in the middle of Walmart and I announce that I need batteries for my vibrator.  Not thinking about what I said, my family was between shock, horror, and laughing so hard they could not breath.  Did I really say that. Yes I did. Then I wonder where my girls get their mouth from.  I will claim that it was not me. immaculate conception.  After I realize what I had announced in the middle of a  crowded department store I wanted to die and crawl under a rock.

Have I said anything stupid since.  Yes, but it happens so often that nobody notices anymore.    When my girls say something stupid I look at them and ask if I can help them find their momma because she is probably looking for them.

When my girls where smaller and they would throw a fit in the grocery store, I mean a fit.  A fit like on the ground rolling and crying, I have stepped over them walked over to a complete stranger and ask if she knew who the mother is of that child.

Finally, the last funny thing that my girls have said, and it happened tonight.  She announces that  “I am a princess, I just new my tiara.  Most days I treat my girls like they are only to have them throw up in my lap.

 

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Well, I guess that I am going to save the best for last.  This is not exactly what came out of their mouth, but in a way it did.  When Cheyenne was a baby, my sister could not get enough of her.  She was my first born and the youngest baby my sister had been around for an extended period of time.  And like now, I live with my sister so she see’s my girls quite often.   Okay now back to the story.

I hope that you have a strong stomach for this because it will completely gross you out if it is a little uneasy.  I was breast feeding my daughter which mean that I was the only person who could feed her.  It would make Sarah mad because she would have to give up the baby in her arms so I could feed her.  After I was finished and changed her diaper I handed Cheyenne back to Aunt Sarah so she could get spoiled some more.   Sarah who does not have any children of her own thought that it was play time for my six month old daughter.  I reminded Sarah that I had just feed the baby and that I would not do that.  What was Sarah doing? Sarah was holding Cheyenne at arms length above her head, almost like throwing her up in the air but Cheyenne never left her hands.  Sarah would do this and look up at her and make sounds and faces at her.  Again, I reminded Sarah that I JUST FED the baby.  I would not do that.  But, what do I know, I am just the mother.   The last time that Sarah threw the baby up in the air Cheyenne puked.  Sarah was looking up at her and Cheyenne puked in her eye and down her face.  I seen it happen.  Sarah screamed and all I could do was laugh.   I was laughing so hard and Sarah is trying to hand the baby to me.  I was still laughing so hard that I could not hold the baby, Cheyenne.  I had to lay Cheyenne down on a blanket so I could go get a wash cloth.  I am still laughing so hard  and buy this time Sarah is gagging.  She was trying not to throw up her self.  I threw and burp blanket at Sarah to clean out her eye.  I cleaned up Cheyenne because when she did vomit it was so large that it was all over her face, and Sarah’s too.  I had to change the baby as well.  I went to Sarah to help her clean out her eye so she could go change her shirt, bra,  and pants.  It was so bad that Sarah had vomit in her hair and in the bra.  Sarah had to get into the shower because if you have never had the pleasure of having a baby throw up on you, the smell is worse than rotten eggs.  Needless to say Sarah learned her lesson about throwing the baby in the air.

Shocking

  • It’s only a flesh wound
  • shocker
  • fart power activate

This week even my oldest daughter Cheyenne has said something funny.  She is usually very reserve and quite.  For her to say something funny she has to be in a really good mood.  She was this day.   My sister was sitting on the couch filling my in on the new detail of our cruise that wee are taking.  The travel agent had left a message about our rooms and where on the ship they are.  She had even pulled up a picture and showed me where the rooms were.  In all this time of me and Cheyenne looking at the computer   at the location of our room, her, friend  Shelly had text with her room number.  Sarah takes the computer and starts looking for her friends room.  Come to find out Shelly is the the complete other side of the ship.  Sarah said, damn .  when I ask what was wrong she said Shelly in on the other side of the ship.  Cheyenne pipes up and says SHOCKER.  I did  not even think that she was paying attention, and she jumps in with a joke.  This is so not like her.  I looked at her and said what did you say?  Then she repeats herself.  The little quite girl comes into the conversation with a joke.

It’s only a flesh wound.  I actually heard this come out of my eight year old’s mouth.  Unless you work in an ER you don’t hear these words.  I don’t even know where she heard this phase.  Okay now the story behind the phrase.  Skye was walking into the rest room one evening and I was finishing up at the sink for bed.  Skye had picked a scab in her toe and was bleeding just a small amount.  When I said, you are bleeding she looks at me, smiles, and starts giggling and says yeah I know its only a flesh wound.  Where does she get this stuff from.  I could only hope I could be that funny.

Now I saved the best for last.  It was a Saturday afternoon and we were getting ready to go out for the afternoon.  In my house this is alway crazy  because my girls who I swear do it on purpose slow down and go in reverse.  I have given up on being anywhere on time.  I did not have a certain time to be anywhere but I wanted to get started with my errands.  This day I know that they both had lost their minds and forgot how to brush there hair but all I could say was that they were vertical.  My girls wondered around the house like zombies.  Now at this point I was mad and losing my temper.  As we start to walk out the door both of them get a sudden burst of energy.  Now they wanted me to hurry up.  Skye walked out the front door of my apartment and yells FART POWER ACTIVATE, like buzz light year, to infinity and beyond.  After this I was done.

 

 

Her kinda help

  1. What is focus
  2. I’m a genius
  3. Something he did

 

Well, it has been some time now but I have some good ones to make up for the lost time.  Now lets start at the beginning.  I was sitting on the couch talking to my sister about the local new paper and current events of the week.  Skye how was not in the room at the beginning comes into the room and starts to talk over the both of us, Me and my sister.  When she started talking she wanted to know what we were talking about.  At the time I was talking about the local new paper Focus on Oak Grove which  of course covers all local school news and local news.  She was interested in the news paper but was not paying attention.  She looks at me and says ” what is focus?”  Okay, well if she was paying attention maybe the “focus” would have been there.  If someone is going to interrupt your conversation they should at least know what you are talking about.  Jumping in the middle of the conversation is rude but when someone cuts in and was not paying attention to start with, now that is just funny.

The next story involves both of the statement from above.  I was having a problem with my computer but when my computer does not work I get mad pretty fast.  It only breaks down when I am trying to get something important done or it is late at night.  This could never happen when I am just cruising Facebook.  No, it happens when I can not call anyone for help or only after I have lost the paper that I have been working in for days and then lose it.  This certain night I was tying to print off what I needed to finish, the last little part of my assignment.  The printer errors out.  This is so my kinda luck.  So I do what everyone else does and shuts off the printer and restarts it.  Now that should have worked. No.  So as I am sitting there getting madder about not being about to finish and my daughter Skye, comes over and says she is going to help me bu fixing the printer.  She comes over to the computer table and pushes the restart button again.  This is what I had just done, and she came over to do it again.  At least she was trying. I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but even I know that if the computer errors out chances are that it just needs to be resit and everything will be fine.  I got this.  All I could say to her is, am I that stupid that you come and do the most obvious thing.  The best thing and the funnest thing about this is when she resit the printer she looks at me with the biggest smile and very proud of herself and yells I AM A GENIUS.   All I could do at this point is laugh.  I was not mad about the printer not working  anymore.  I mean how could I.  She tried to help.  She was so proud and thought that she had fixed it all. It  did turn out to be a good night after all.

I only had 5 bowls

  1. Mom, you got some explaining to do about the tooth fairy
  2. You don’t know my pain
  3. Jazz hands
  4. I thought the bucket was a toilet
  5. I only had 5 bowls

This week was a doozy.  All of the fun statements were made by my youngest daughter Skye.  I love that she is so funny at times and I wish that she would show other people how funny she is.  Other times I just shake my head of “did that really come out of her mouth”. well, here comes some of the back story of where these statements came from.  

As my girls have lost their baby teeth I have kept them.  My hope was to be able to give their teeth to them when they were older along with all their school keepsakes.  I have put their grade cards along with fun things that they have made through  the years in files.  I have it separated by school year.  The plan was to put the teeth in the folder just for them to have along with all  this stuff.  Well, that was the plan.  Skye found where I have been keeping all of the teeth.  She had found the group of teeth before but she believed me when I told her it was my baby teeth.  This time she found a tooth that she lost that had a cavity in it.  It was very different looking.  She found the tooth and knew instantly that it was hers.  She came out of the bedroom with the tooth in hand and said mom you got some explaining to do.  When I went into by story of it was mine she called me on it.  There was no talking my way out of this.  Damn.  I loved that she stilled believed in the tooth fairy.  They grow up so fast.  I had to tell her that I was the tooth fairy and she informs me that, you are not the tooth fairy mom” she has the evidence in here hand and she tells me I am not the tooth fairy.  Okay, as long as she believes.  

Wow,  she is funny.  One morning she walks into the living room and tell me that her foot hurts, she had just stepped of something in the bedroom.  When I started to laugh because, hell, we all have been there done that, Skye did not like that.  I thought that I was the only human alive that stepped on toys barefoot and then continued on limping into another room wanting to cry.  I told Skye that I had done this more times that I would like to remember she said “but you don’t know my pain”.  Really?  I will step on the only toy in the room in the dark.  Anyone else would not have that privilege, only me.  

My little Skye is in the third grade and had a music program which is a right of passage as you get older.  The programs are short and sweet and to the point which I love. I love my girls but sitting on a hard gym seat, crammed into a hot gym with 10,000 other third grade parent is not my idea of fun, so I digress.  As all of the 8 and 9 year old’s are singing about spring the snow is blowing on my car.  The end of one of the songs all of the kids do “jazz hands”.  I thought that it was funny.  It was a small chuckle as all of the kids sing on.  That night when we got home she would out of the blue just say “jazz hands”.  Now when the idea comes into her head jazz hands comes out of her mouth.

The last two statement happened in the same time.  I thought that Skye was on a roll when she was telling me the story.  Skye earned a limo ride to a pizza place for selling major saver cards.  She thought that she was hot stuff.  She told me.  I get to ride in a limo and you don’t. That night when she got home from school I ask her about how was the ride?  She was so excited to tell me that she got to ride with another little friend and the radio was on and they were singing along with it.  Oh, mom, there was a trash can there in the limo and I thought that it was a toilet. OMG.  She is not a blonde but sometimes she has her moments.  Well, I guess if you got to go you got to go and anything will work according to Skye.  Now her story started about the pizza place that she got to eat at.  Skye informs me “That I only had 5 bowls of ice cream.”  ONLY 5 BOWLS.  You have got to be kidding me.  I asked her if she actually ate any pizza and her response was one.  I spent the rest of the night listening to Skye complain about a belly ache.

The new things this week

I swear that my girls are on a role again this week.  I guess that I can not complain because it gives me funny things to write about each week and I don’t have to make stuff up.

  1. I am fabulous
  2. What do you mean that I have to wash the corners?
  3. I peed Niagara Falls
  4. It’s not gay it’s fabulous.

I am starting to think that all of these funny phrases are something that Skye is hearing and then repeating at different times and this is what makes this funny.   The two fabulous statements are quotes, I think, from a web based cartoon that my girls watch on line.  I can not even start to tell you what the name of it is right now.  All  I know is that is is a cartoon.    In this cartoon a guy with a accent says things like I am fabulous in the cartoon after he dresses up in different costumes.    With that back ground in mind, Skye will walk around the house and say,  “I am fabulous” at all the random times like walking to the room.  She will just walk into the room and announce this.  This funniest thing is the dumbest statement that she repeats and really has no clue what it means.  This phrase comes from the cartoon also but happen more frequently.  It could be a toy that she is showing you and she will say it’s not gay it fabulous.  She does understand what gay means when talking about people but when it comes to something being gay she really has no idea.    When I try to explain it to her I get to laughing so hard at her facial expression I have to stop.

The new funny thing that has come our her mouth this week has been, what do you mean i have to clean the corners.  See what happened was that I made my girls start doing chores these last couple of weeks against great rebellion.  Skye’s choir is to clean the bathroom.  Our bathroom is the size of a closet.   All she had to do was wipe out the bathtub.  about twenty minutes later Skye came out of the bathroom and told me that she was done.  The next time that I went in there I seen that the bathtub had not been wiped out and when I brought it to her attention she looks at me completely puzzled and states” what do you mean I have to wash the corners? Really I thought that it was common sense but not that apparent to an eight year old.  One has to clean all of it.  When she said this Skye said it in such a way that cleaning all of the bathtub was something that her little mind skipped.

The last statement of the day is I peed Niagara falls.  The really funny part is that we all have been there.  It is the point of needing to use the restroom so bad that you can not move and when you do sit to pee, it continues for so long.  Skye came out of the restroom and announced that she “had peed Niagara Falls.”  Where does she get this stuff.  I could only hope to be as funny as she is .  

My heat went out now what?

Funny statements of the week

  1. richie, richie 
  2. I fart rainbows
  3. Can we live in the hotel room?
  4. Oh my G_O_S_H

 

This past weekend the heat went out in my apartment .  It was Saturday afternoon around 3:00 PM and my place was already 60 degrees.  Well, I was already freezing my ass off and the sun was shinning, now what.  I had to stop and think about what I was going to do.  My best option of the day was to get a hotel room, at least my girls and I would not freeze to death in the night, so away we went.  I chose to go to a hotel that happened to have an indoor swimming pool.  My girls were in seventh heaven.  The idea of swimming in the winter time is the coolest thing ever according to my girls.  My girls walked into the hotel and wanted to instantly go swimming.  There is no exploring the room to see what it had or laying on the beds to feel it.  No my girls walk directly into the room and ask to to swimming.   When we were in the pool, my youngest daughter Skye told me that she felt rich because she was in the swimming pool and that she felt richie, richie because we got to stay in a hotel for two days.  Rich only because we got to stay in a hotel, really?  If this is what she considered rich what is she going to do when I am able to buy us a house?  That is my thought of the day.    That evening both Cheyenne and Skye asked if we could live there…..IN THE HOTEL.  All four of us in one room.  In TWO beds. you have got to be kidding me.  There is no way in hell. 

Now, back to the farting comments that my GIRLS have been saying.  This week it was I fart rainbows. With this, I have nothing to say.  For one time in my life I think that I am speechless.  To top this off, there is a new cartoon that has a flying unicorn that is propelled in the air by rainbows coming out of his butt.  I think that this is where they got I fart rainbows but…. ?

Cheyenne is my oldest daughter.  This week she has been the really funny girl out of both of them, this week?  I think that she was quoting a movie, The Lego Movie by Disney.  Every time that Cheyenne would get excited she would shout OH MY G-O-S-H.  I am so proud that she does not say oh my God.  I have an issue with this.  But, now I laugh out loud every time she says this.