- I am a princess and all I need is a tiara
Although I have a good laugh at my girls’ expense most days they are the love of my life and they are the reason that I am alive. Many days in the past I would have given up if it was not for both of my girls. They give me a reason too get out of bed everyday. I have to wake up when someone is holding open your eyelid asking if “you awake”. Nope just laying here completely awake waiting for you to come and pry my eye open. Here’s your sign.
Some days when you are in a perfect slumber and something comes at touches you in the middle of the night to inform you that they just peed the bed and they want to come and sleep with you. Okay that’s fine, you bring your urine soaked body and come and rub it all over me because I could not sleep with out that extra smell of urine. Thank you for making things better tonight.
another fun time with my girls is when they want to get your attention. Skye has the new habit that she yells, PSSSS. I have taken to looking toward her and asking if she has……. spring a leak?
Did that really come out of her mouth, yes it has, with my girls anything is totally possible. Now with children anything is possible to say in response to them. When they were babies I had a bouncer to put them in to help put them to sleep. On this bouncer there was music and a vibrator. Well, the batteries ran out. I am in the middle of Walmart and I announce that I need batteries for my vibrator. Not thinking about what I said, my family was between shock, horror, and laughing so hard they could not breath. Did I really say that. Yes I did. Then I wonder where my girls get their mouth from. I will claim that it was not me. immaculate conception. After I realize what I had announced in the middle of a crowded department store I wanted to die and crawl under a rock.
Have I said anything stupid since. Yes, but it happens so often that nobody notices anymore. When my girls say something stupid I look at them and ask if I can help them find their momma because she is probably looking for them.
When my girls where smaller and they would throw a fit in the grocery store, I mean a fit. A fit like on the ground rolling and crying, I have stepped over them walked over to a complete stranger and ask if she knew who the mother is of that child.
Finally, the last funny thing that my girls have said, and it happened tonight. She announces that “I am a princess, I just new my tiara. Most days I treat my girls like they are only to have them throw up in my lap.
Well, I guess that I am going to save the best for last. This is not exactly what came out of their mouth, but in a way it did. When Cheyenne was a baby, my sister could not get enough of her. She was my first born and the youngest baby my sister had been around for an extended period of time. And like now, I live with my sister so she see’s my girls quite often. Okay now back to the story.
I hope that you have a strong stomach for this because it will completely gross you out if it is a little uneasy. I was breast feeding my daughter which mean that I was the only person who could feed her. It would make Sarah mad because she would have to give up the baby in her arms so I could feed her. After I was finished and changed her diaper I handed Cheyenne back to Aunt Sarah so she could get spoiled some more. Sarah who does not have any children of her own thought that it was play time for my six month old daughter. I reminded Sarah that I had just feed the baby and that I would not do that. What was Sarah doing? Sarah was holding Cheyenne at arms length above her head, almost like throwing her up in the air but Cheyenne never left her hands. Sarah would do this and look up at her and make sounds and faces at her. Again, I reminded Sarah that I JUST FED the baby. I would not do that. But, what do I know, I am just the mother. The last time that Sarah threw the baby up in the air Cheyenne puked. Sarah was looking up at her and Cheyenne puked in her eye and down her face. I seen it happen. Sarah screamed and all I could do was laugh. I was laughing so hard and Sarah is trying to hand the baby to me. I was still laughing so hard that I could not hold the baby, Cheyenne. I had to lay Cheyenne down on a blanket so I could go get a wash cloth. I am still laughing so hard and buy this time Sarah is gagging. She was trying not to throw up her self. I threw and burp blanket at Sarah to clean out her eye. I cleaned up Cheyenne because when she did vomit it was so large that it was all over her face, and Sarah’s too. I had to change the baby as well. I went to Sarah to help her clean out her eye so she could go change her shirt, bra, and pants. It was so bad that Sarah had vomit in her hair and in the bra. Sarah had to get into the shower because if you have never had the pleasure of having a baby throw up on you, the smell is worse than rotten eggs. Needless to say Sarah learned her lesson about throwing the baby in the air.
- It’s only a flesh wound
- fart power activate
This week even my oldest daughter Cheyenne has said something funny. She is usually very reserve and quite. For her to say something funny she has to be in a really good mood. She was this day. My sister was sitting on the couch filling my in on the new detail of our cruise that wee are taking. The travel agent had left a message about our rooms and where on the ship they are. She had even pulled up a picture and showed me where the rooms were. In all this time of me and Cheyenne looking at the computer at the location of our room, her, friend Shelly had text with her room number. Sarah takes the computer and starts looking for her friends room. Come to find out Shelly is the the complete other side of the ship. Sarah said, damn . when I ask what was wrong she said Shelly in on the other side of the ship. Cheyenne pipes up and says SHOCKER. I did not even think that she was paying attention, and she jumps in with a joke. This is so not like her. I looked at her and said what did you say? Then she repeats herself. The little quite girl comes into the conversation with a joke.
It’s only a flesh wound. I actually heard this come out of my eight year old’s mouth. Unless you work in an ER you don’t hear these words. I don’t even know where she heard this phase. Okay now the story behind the phrase. Skye was walking into the rest room one evening and I was finishing up at the sink for bed. Skye had picked a scab in her toe and was bleeding just a small amount. When I said, you are bleeding she looks at me, smiles, and starts giggling and says yeah I know its only a flesh wound. Where does she get this stuff from. I could only hope I could be that funny.
Now I saved the best for last. It was a Saturday afternoon and we were getting ready to go out for the afternoon. In my house this is alway crazy because my girls who I swear do it on purpose slow down and go in reverse. I have given up on being anywhere on time. I did not have a certain time to be anywhere but I wanted to get started with my errands. This day I know that they both had lost their minds and forgot how to brush there hair but all I could say was that they were vertical. My girls wondered around the house like zombies. Now at this point I was mad and losing my temper. As we start to walk out the door both of them get a sudden burst of energy. Now they wanted me to hurry up. Skye walked out the front door of my apartment and yells FART POWER ACTIVATE, like buzz light year, to infinity and beyond. After this I was done.